In NYC for a few days. Hopefully this trip will leave me with no interesting stories to tell. Anyway, follow me on Twitter to see what I’m up to.


Wednesday: The road trip to NYC started a hour late this morning but it was all good because I needed that extra little amount of sleep.

So we officially hit the road at 5:05am & made it to our hotel by 3:24pm. I drove like crazy but was cautious along the way.

The drive through MI was snowy & icy, the drive through OH was off & on rainy, the drive through PA/NJ was very rainy & icy but we made it incident free.

Suite Suzy was “OK” as a co-pilot, meaning she only bitched a little bit. Slow down, use the damn signal, get over, speed up, look out, don’t kill us, etc.

One of the most memorable moments of the trip was when we stopped at a service area along I80 in PA. We stopped for a late breakfast, gas & the restroom. So after I pump the gas, I head to the rest room to find some Indian guy at the little vending machine in the mens room. On the left side of the machine was flavored condoms, on the right side of the machine was cock rings. And guess what, he was getting a cock ring. When he saw me, he looked a little startled. I just shook my head laughing to myself.

Who would have ever thought that you could get cock rings at a service area restroom??? After the laughable restroom episode, we hopped back on I80.

Along the way driving down I80, I was so inspired by the beautiful monochromatic scenary. Everything that I saw looked like an Ansel Adams photograph. The fog, the mountains, the ice covered trees, the winding roads. I wanted to stop so that I could capture the wonderful winter mountain landscape. Maybe one day the stars will line up & I will be able to photograph something like that.

After the drive through PA, we hit NJ, which meant that the road trip was coming to an end.

I have heard jokes about how fucked up Newark was but seeing it put all the pieces together. That shit looked worse than Detroit.

Anyway, we had to jump on the NJ Turnpike to get the Lincoln Tunnel. After the short drive on the turnpike, I came to the toll booth where the hideous looking toll booth worker who shouted ¢90 after I handed her my ticket. She took my dollar & handed me ¢10 back. I waited for a second because I thought she was going to hand me a receipt.

Instead of a receipt, she gave me drama. She looked at me with her one good eye & asked why I was still standing there. I said, well, I thought there might be a receipt or maybe you would say have a nice day. She was said, there is no receipt & I was not going to save have a nice day. In my mind, I was like you nasty looking fucking ghetto, long titty, fucked up wig wearing ass bitch. I just drove off like, oh no you didn’t.

So now we are on the way to the Lincoln Tunnel. So we get to that toll booth & I pay the $8. The booth worker, named Cookie J (I think the “J” stands for janky) handed my back my change without looking at me & turned away to ignore me. Before I drove off, I said have a nice day. Cookie J was unphased & did not acknowledge my friendliness.

Flashback a little; during the last leg of the trip, I had to pee. By the time we go through the Lincoln Tunnel, I was about to pee on myself & was holding my pee like never before! I hoped to not have an accident in the car & I was hoping that we made to the hotel before the unthinkable happened.

Luckily, we made it to the hotel just in time. When the valet approached the car, I yelled to him, where’s the bathroom. He told me & I ran my ass off to sweet relief. I do not think I had to pee that bad in my adult life. When I got back to the car, he was like man I know that feeling.

Flashing forward a bit. We went to Bloomindale’s for some speed shopping & also decided to have dinner at Chevy’s (Fresh Mex) in Times Square.

So we wrap up at Bloomies & take the W train to Times Square. We get to the restaurant, get seated & place our orders.

The server sucked like ass & so did the 2 margaritas that I downed.

After eating 2/3s of my meal, I notice a roach crawling on the wall (all like what the fuck are yall doing here) & got grossed the fuck out.

I alert the manager & he seemed like I inconvenienced him. After I pointed out the roach, he killed it with a napkin on the spot then walked away. His actions only made me mad.

Soon there after, I asked how bad the roach problem was. He was like, I have not seen a roach here in three months. Then exclaimed that they are on top of one of the busiest train stations in the city. I told him that I did not care. I do not want to see roaches crawling on the wall when I’m eating! He was like, you know what, I will modify your check for you.

After all of the mediocre service was over, we got a $44 credit on our bill. I’m always down for a deal but I was still uneasy about the roach eggs that I may have eaten.

Once the bill was paid, we all shook out our coats & bags so that we did not take any little brown stowaways back to out hotel.

So when we get out of the restaurant, I spot a Chanukah promotion van (only in NYC, right???). I was amused by the site & the young Hasidic Jew boys peddling Menora candles. Chanukah is half way fucking over, why are they still selling candles?

I approached one of the young boys & asked how much the candles were. He told me that they were $2. I said, I will give you $1.50 for them. He said fuck that (for real he did). I was taken aback & laughed as I walked away.

I’m now back in my room, tired as hell & laughing because I said that I hoped that I would not have any stories to tell from this trip. The stories are writing themselves. What a trip.

Tomorrow, we are having breakfast at Norma’s, taking a walk through Central Park, If we can cop cheap tickets, we are seeing a Alvin Ailey dance performance & will end with dinner at Victor’s Cuban Café. I hope that we can squeeze in Rockerfeller Center. Time will tell.

Now I need to go wash this ass. Peace!