Last Saturday afternoon, my mother called me & when I picked up the phone she was all out of breath asking if I was OK. I mean she was almost hysterical. After I told her I was fine, I asked her to calm down & tell me what was up with her.
She took a deep breath & told me that my brother has just called her & told her that I was dead. So I guess she called me immediately afterword.
Once I got over the shock of the comment, I was like WTF, why would he say that. She was like he just got out of the psych hospital (he’s in & out all the time). I was like, you need to send his ass back!!!
After we got off the phone, I felt disturbed by what my brother told momma. Then I started to think, maybe he had a vision because he “sees” shit all the time. I thought that maybe I should stay home & not proceed with my daily plans.
Eventually, I kinda got over & went out somewhat feeling that death was actively trying to get me.
I have not called my brother since because I do not feel like dealing with his psychosis. Baby told me that he has been having issues all week & my mother has been dealing with it. I just cannot go there & do have the mental power to handle it.
Schizophrenia is no joke & can really cause a lot of family stress. I hate when my brother goes through his mental battle when he strays from his meds.
I am not mad at him (this time), I’m just…
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On another note: My uncle who’s in prison wrote me a letter 2 months ago & I have still not responded to it. While writing this, I looked at his picture, which is on my desk & I’m feeling guilty. I think next week, when I have a little more time on my hands, I will drop him a few lines.
Writing prison notes is an energy drainer for me because I feel like I cannot say too about what is going right in my life because he’s behind bars. Hmmmm…..
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On a final family note: I know I mentioned his birth already but I am still excited about the news. Last Thursday, my sister Baby gave birth to what I hope is her last child. If you have been following my chronicles, you know that she was expecting a boy. Well he was born @ 412am 7lbs 12.8oz 19″ & his name is Asar Nasir.
We are taking a trip to meet my nephew this coming Saturday & the girls are excited to see him.
Every time I’ve talked to Baby since she has been home, she sounds like she is about to pass out from exhaustion. I think my older nephew Bay Bay is giving her a run for her money.
Los Angelista / November 21, 2008
It’s so hard, isn’t it, because you want to give them a beat down for saying stuff like this but you can’t because they really can’t help it. I am especially feeling you because my niece is both bi-polar and schizophrenic and this has been a week of major acting out behavior for her. My mom has been calling me up crying at 3 am, talking about what’s gonna happen to my niece because she’s on the street in a homeless shelter. It’s a mess. All I can say is she ain’t coming out here to live. Nope.
You hang in there, Tafari. All this will pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later, right?
AnnaC / November 21, 2008
Ah the family….they add spice and warmth but sometimes it’s too hot and it burns.
As I read your latest family drama I see both — the pain and the joy and the mix of the two.
I hope you have a great visit with your sis and nephews… and that you can send your mom some psychic strength to deal with your brother…
and mostly peace for you!
daez / November 21, 2008
Oh Boo I soo feel you on the schizo brother thing…it’s amazing how sometimes they are so on point you literally think they are truly getting messages from beyond…and trust, I had TWO schizo brothers (oldest one passed on)….you just have to learn to detach your self mentally wnile loving them emotionally…it’s just way to much pain to deal with otherwise…I feel for your mom…I will always believe my brothers are the reason my mom is no longer here, dealing with the emotional stress between them and her siblings…good thing you are a strong man Tafari, with a solid relationship with SS and the girls…that normalcy makes all the difference in the world, puts you on solid footing if you know what I mean…
Congrats on the new nephew….maybe he’s a mini-you (LOL)…(((HUGS)))
….just me…daez
Tafari / November 23, 2008
Liz – All I can say is she ain't coming out here to live. LOL!!! That is Suite Suzy's stand on my brother & I feel her.
AnnaC – I talked to my mom last night around 1am, & I just let her talk to get things off her chest. She seemed to feel better after it was over. My brother is a part time job for her because she is his guardian, not to mention mother.
Daez – "it's amazing how sometimes they are so on point you literally think they are truly getting messages from beyond" I know, so you know I was really feeling like, should I just stay up in this dam house or what!
"I will always believe my brothers are the reason my mom is no longer here" wow, that is deep & really something to think about because stress will fuck you up especially when you are at the end of your rope & this type of shit will make you go there!
Although the ladies in my life drive me up a fucking wall sometimes, I am happy that they are here because they do add balance as you noted.
I love Asar, he & his brother Tony are destined for great things. At least they better be because they will get a beat down from Uncle Brother. LOL!!!
Tafari