I have not given a Watermelon Award away in quite some time. Actually the last one I gave out was to Kanye West after he referred to light skinned Black video hoes as “mutts”. I think about who deserves a Watermelon Award all the time but never put it down on paper & basically talk shit to my friends about possible recipients.
Well now that the semester is coming to an end, and I’m feeling free; it’s time to issue some awards to some ghetto superstars.
The 1st award goes to Jeremiah Wright. Why? Well, because I think he should have held his tongue so that his former parishioner, mentee & friend Barack Obama could wrap up the Democratic nomination process. I have been watching the coverage of his antics since his appearance in Detroit (city of many fools) & I have not been impressed. He had the perfect opportunity to change national perceptions & all he did was make shit worse, a) for himself/reputation & b) for Barack.
Truth be told, I actually agree with a lot of what Wright has to say but there comes a point when a nigga needs to shut the fuck up especially when he is harming someone who has aspirations larger than thyself. Barack is trying to become the fucking president of the US, why would you open your mouth & possibly fuck that up???
Jeremiah put your foolish pride aside & let another brotha have the stage please. And while you are on the sidelines, please have a slice of watermelon!
The 2nd award goes to; you guessed it, Kwame Kilpatrick. Special K, why are you denying that you & Freaky Chris (Christine Beatty) never sent all them text messages? If you two did not send them, who in the fuck did. And do you really think that you are that important for someone to frame you? Muthafuckas dubbed the Hip Hop mayor are not all that important. Please look in the mirror & wake the fuck up! If you spent more time eating watermelon instead of Freak Chris, you would not be in this hot mess.
If Freaky Chris got her shit together & your hot dick & nuts off her mind, she would turn evidence on your ass. And speaking of hot dicks & nuts, Kwame must have fucked the shit out of her to have this bitch about to face time for his ass. Man, talk about dick whipped. He had her ass hypnotized. She needs to watch a few Alexyss K Tylor videos t o get out of her dick-oriented matrix!
The 3rd award goes to the nigga that got on the elliptical machine next to me at the gym yesterday (he also happens to be the gym hot mess of the week). Why did you come in the gym musty? Why did you have to get on the machine next to me & talk to your friend who was on elliptical machine to my right? I was sandwiched between to fools talking about absolutely nothing & loud as hell. The sad thing was both of their breath was off the chain & smelled like severe halitosis. I was surrounded by aroma of badussy (booty, dick & pussy) & crack head scented armpits. By the time I left the gym, I had a pounding funk induced headache.
Do you have any Watermelon Award recommendations for this week???